A Sad Mom

I told you this week I would follow up my series on "My Mom" with a word to those whose experience as a child or as a mom was (is) not an easy one. I cannot say it any better than Carolyn Mahaney, who followed up her Girltalk blog post, "A Weary Mom" with the following. I hope you will read it as from my heart to yours with deep affection and prayer.

A Sad Mom

You may wish you were only weary this Mother’s Day.

For you, weariness is merely the byproduct of numbing sadness. You don’t even want to think about Mother’s Day. A day that reminds everyone else of what they have, reminds you of what you’ve lost—as if you needed another reminder.

Maybe your child has rebelled and doesn’t want anything to do with your family. Or maybe you’ve lost a child through death.

I wish I knew the right words to say to you. If I could sit with you today, I would want you to know how inadequate I feel to comfort you. I know that no words of mine can dull the pain. But after I had grieved with you awhile I would remind you of the comfort of the cross.

There, God the Father sacrificed His only Son. This event did not seem to make sense either. But out of Christ’s unspeakable suffering, God, in His perfect wisdom, provided salvation for mankind. If He has purchased our salvation through the suffering and sacrifice of His son, we can trust that He is working good in the midst of our suffering.

May I encourage you to pour out your heart to the Lord of love? He knows, He sees, and he hears. Your tears are not lost on your heavenly Father. He is the compassionate Lord who urges you to draw near to Him. “I, I am he who comforts you” he declares (Is. 51:12).

It was said of Jonathan Edwards that even in the midst of being falsely accused and persecuted his “happiness was out of the reach of his enemies.” Your loss may be much greater, but the truths of the cross can also put your happiness out of the reach of your sorrows.

Because the Holy God sent His only Son, Jesus, into the world to live a perfect life and die a sinless death, in your place, for your sins, and rise again to conquer death, and because he has surely borne our griefs and carried our sorrows, and because He has reconciled us to Himself, called us His children, declared Himself our comforter—because of all this and more, may I be so bold as to wish you a Happy Mother’s Day?

Posted by Carolyn Mahaney on May 08, 2009 at 11:23 AM

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Feeling tired today?

Check out this post from the girltalk blog.

My Mom (pt.4)

As I draw this series on my mom to a close I want to share my heart for all those who have not had a mom like mine. God in His mysterious providences has a different plan for each family, each life. But for all His children His plan is for their good. Next week I plan to share some encouragements for those whose husbands are not saved, whose mothers are not alive, for women who are childless and the women whose relationship with their mother is painful. For now I want to say to you who are living in that particular trial, "Thank you for reading about my mom even though it may have been difficult, opened up old wounds or brought back memories of mom now gone. If there has been anything that has brought you sorrow, I grieve with you. If there has been anything that has brought you hope, in that I rejoice."

The exercise of blogging about my mom for these few days has been a mixed blessing for me personally. My mother was not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. There have been times over the years when I've observed her in her sin, and felt deep grief as a result. As a child, and even as an adult daughter I have been on the receiving end of some of this sin. But because of Christ's work on the cross God does not focus on my sin, neither do I focus on hers.

It was my desire in this blog to honor my mom because:

1. I am commanded by God to honor my parents
2. Because in many, many ways she is worthy of honor.
3. Because God uses earthen vessels to accomplish His purposes, in honoring mom, I (an earthen vessel), give honor to God for His work of redemption in the lives of sinners, families, relationships.

My mom was a faithful mother. Her commitment to her children was real. I never questioned her love but I can't remember anytime during my childhood when she told me she loved me. My mother rarely gave praise. If something good was accomplished, she would give a nod and that was about it. She never attended award ceremonies, sporting events, plays. I think I remember her coming to one band concert. I cannot remember her asking me for details about these things. In many ways I was left to process life on my own.

My mother was a strict disciplinarian. When I talked back to her I got pepper on the tongue. When I disobeyed, I got spanked all the way up the stairs to my room. Sadly though, there was never a time of restoration through loving communication. I was expected to "get over it" and "move on". She rarely explained her reasons for why I could or could not do anything. Her expression on her face told me the case was closed. She had spoken. That was all the reason needed. As hard as this was for me, I am grateful for her firm discipline.

If you were to talk to my mother today you would hear he grieve much of that, and she would wish she could do it over. But that was who she was. When the Lord saved her (when I was around 13) there were changes but much of her personality remained the same: quiet, and disengaged. The Lord was doing His wonderful work in me at that time, so by His amazing grace I did not rebel against what seemed to me to be high expectations for outward morality without loving, tender guidance encouragement and grace.

I learned much from my mother. I learned from the good example she was in many, many ways. I learned from the not-so-good things as well. It all has been used by God for my good.

Today, I enjoy sweet fellowship with mom over the phone. It is a wonderful thing to be a "sister in Christ" with my mother. When I share a prayer request I know she will pray. When an answer to prayer pops up as if out of nowhere I say, "Mom must be praying." We share what God is teaching us, and recommend books to read. Though I only see my mother once or twice a year for only a few days each visit, I feel closer to her now than I have ever felt.

I love you MOM!

My Mom (pt.3)

Long before the Lord saved my mother, God gave both of my parents insight into His design for marriage. Largely unaware of the biblical roles for husband and wife my mother almost instinctively looked to my father to be the head of the home. This is a testimony of God's common grace on their lives. Theirs was a happy marriage. While my father was a very hard worker, providing his family with the basic needs for life (and a bit more), my mother (also a very hard worker) was content finding joy in managing the home. As a child I found a great deal of comfort in how life played out in our family.

I took much comfort in observing my mother's love for dad. Mom demonstrated her love for dad in simple but meaningful ways. Her acts of love were never accompanied with great fanfare. I cannot remember her ever verbalizing her love for dad in my hearing. But I knew her love was true.

Mom was always busy with giving my father hot meals, packed lunches for work, baked goods for snacks and desserts. There was always laundry on the clothesline, and clothes being ironed, even sheets and underclothes. I never heard my father "where's my ...." his clothes were always ready for him. And though not fancy, our house was always clean and decorated with my mother's eye for simple beauty.

Mom also knew how to rest. She would lay aside her work to spend time with dad. It was either a ride in the car, working together in the yard, watching television or visiting with family and friends, playing games. Mom knew how to laugh and she always enjoyed listening to Dad tell others a story.

As a child I felt like all was well with the world when I saw my mom lay her hand on dad's as they watched television together. I don't ever remember her resisting Dad's displays of affection: a kiss from behind her as she stood at the sink, or his hand on her leg as they rode in the car. I remember my mom preparing for bed most nights bathing and smelling clean and fresh. I remember hearing her giggle and laugh out loud in the bedroom with my dad. This was a very good thing and so good for this child to hear. My mom and dad were in love.

When my father became disabled 38 years ago my mom was there to help him. That meant that Mom had to go to work. Without a degree she first worked in a department store, then became a bank teller, then went to school for cosmotology. This was so that she could work from home and be more available for her family. My father set up a salon in one room of the house and from there my mother helped my dad by supplementing his social security.

They had their stress points. They had their differences. Mom gave her opinions, but Dad had the final say. I cannot recall a time when I heard my mother complaining about anything to my dad. She may have, I don't know. But clearly she was content in her home and with how her husband was providing for her. It was a simple life, a simple home (they bought and converted the one-room school house my father attended as a child). Together they raised five children (four of which were girls), with only three bedrooms and one bathroom. Mom didn't need a lot but she made the most out of what she had.

This year we will be celebrating as both my mom and dad turn 80, and reach the 60 year anniversary milestone. I am amazed as I trace God's hand upon their lives even before they were aware it was God's hand. God blessed them with an understanding of marriage, family, roles and relationships. Their kind of love and commitment was more than just the product of the "Cleaver Generation". Their kind of love can only be explained by grace.

My Mom (pt.2)

The Lord saved my mother when she was 42 years old; twenty-two years into her marriage. She began attending a church where the gospel was preached and where she was discipled in the faith. My father was not happy about this change in her. He was jealous and embarrassed by this new life. Though early in her Christian life my mother saw from Scripture that the Gospel gave her the motivation and the grace to be a better wife, my father did not make the connection. And so it was for 24 years, until the Lord graciously and powerfully saved my father, mom lived with a great deal of rejection from dad. He loved her and in most ways was a far better husband than many, but he did not love her faith and he had his ways of letting that be known. Added to this stress was the fact that my father, due to a disability, was at home with my mother 24/7 beginning the same year my mother came to faith. He kept watch lest his wife become overly religious. She was expected to be home 15 minutes after church (including the 15 minute drive home), if he saw her reading the Bible, or when she got a telephone call from a Christian friend my father let his displeasure be known by giving mom the silent treatment for the rest of the day.

So how did my mother respond to this kind of persecution? How did she maintain her joy in Christ?

My mother's love for my father was only exceeded by her love for her Savior. Whenever Dad wasn't around she tuned into Christian radio and allowed the songs of the faith to water her parched soul. She would literally rise while it was night and spend time with her God in prayer and reading. She would have telephone fellowship when Dad was in town running errands. And, she boldly (though lovingly) insisted that she be with God's people for worship on Sundays and for prayer on Wednesdays.

In another post l will share how Mom demonstrated her love for Dad. But today I have wanted to honor Mom by writing of her uncompromising faith in God. I have also wanted to use her as an example to encourage my many friends who are married, yet "spiritually single". For these women I carry their burden in prayer. I pray for their faith in God to be increased so that they may by God's grace live out their calling as a witness in their home. I pray their love for their husbands would deepen and their "unbelieving husband would be made holy because of his wife" (1 Corinthians 7:14). To these dear friends I say, "Do not give up. Do not compromise. Hold fast to God's means of grace both public and private. God sees your life. He knows your needs. He hears your prayers. Seek Him daily in His word and in prayer to find His will and His strength for your mission field: your marriage." I pray that your husbands will be "won without a word by the conduct of their wives when they see your respectful and pure conduct" (1 Peter 3:1,2).