Blind Spots

At my job I see hundreds and hundreds of people every day. If you were looking for someone with a keen eye to pick out what's modest and what's not on women aged 4-70, I'm your girl. One of the strangest phenomenons that I've noticed is when you see what looks like a seventeen-year old standing with her back to you--and then she turns around and you realize that she's forty-three. Or nine. It's sad. But not my point. That was for free.

If you want someone to identify and label what's modest and what's not on other people, I'm your girl.

What I'm not so good at is identifying what's modest or immodest for me.

If you've ever read a novel written in the first person, then it's likely that you, as the spectator, know a lot more about the character than the character knows about herself. She has inadvertently revealed herself to you, and she doesn't even know it.

We can be just like that in our lives, totally blind to what is totally obvious to everyone else. That could mean you have a blind spot in your literal mirror. Or it could be something deeper in your character.

I'm blessed to have a sister who is concerned about my modesty, both outward and inward. She is faithful to prevent outward immodesty and to correct inward immodesty. I need it, because I can have huge blind spots.

Find a friend, sister, mother, daughter, cousin, in-law, caregroup member--someone who loves Jesus Christ more than she loves you, and ask her to point out your blind spots. It could hurt. It usually happens that what gets pointed out is something I never expected, or something that was just "me" and my personality, and it stings! But I'm better for it. Or maybe she won't think of anything. Don't relax. This is part of a lifetime of wartime: sanctification.

This isn't a call for us to nitpick and judge each other. It's a call for each of us to take responsibility for ourselves by asking someone else to speak into our lives. This is one-anothering. This is the pursuit of becoming conformed to the image of Christ to the glory and praise of God.

A matter of the heart

Confession: I have been immodest.

And not in the way you would think.

I had grown up being very conscious of modesty. I never liked anyone to see too much of my body, even if it was covered with clothes. When the school uniform required x-length shorts and skirts, mine were always at least an inch or two longer than the requirement. This was partly because I was short and so things were generally longer on me, but I could have had things shortened. I preferred not to push the limit.

I was on the basketball team my first two years at college. I wore a lot of windpants and tshirts. And if it wasn't windpants it was loose fitting jeans. Let's just say it wasn't very feminine. Even after I stopped playing, I maintained the image for the most part. It was easier. I was comfortable.

In spite of my attire, I received attention from one of the guys, and we began dating. I began to dress less like a jock, although I'm pretty sure I still came up short of feminine. It really just meant less windpants.

We dated for over a year. Then he left me for another girl.

As you can imagine, I was hurt. I was angry. I was desperate to get him back. It was like a switch clicked inside my brain. I began to use my body and the way that I dressed as a weapon. I would show him what he was missing.

Even during that time, I don't think I dressed immodestly, at least not very often. If anything, it was a step towards dressing more feminine. But my heart... oh, my heart was as immodest as it gets. My heart was filled with pride, bent on manipulation, and empty of care for others. I was outwardly clean but inwardly dirty. A whitewashed tomb of sorts. It took me a long time to acknowledge that what I was doing was sinful. I think I always knew it, I just wasn't willing to admit it.

Modesty isn't just about low necklines, exposed midriff, or skirt length. It is first and foremost a matter of the heart. Are you a woman who examines her clothing? Great. But more importantly, are you a woman who examines her heart?


*p.s. Thankfully, I didn't get that guy back, and now I have my husband, Tim--a man far better than the one I thought I'd lost.

Modesty--In and Out

Warm weather approaches!!!!!

I will be sorry to see the last of the snow melt and to have no more clear, frosty nights. There's something so cozy about Winter. Not to mention, it is a lot easier to find modest clothing when it's cold out!

In anticipation of the fast-approaching warm weather, Women By Design will be doing a few posts on modesty.

Probably nothing will be said that we all haven't heard before. Our desire is to simply bring to remembrance and reinforce Biblical principles you already know in fresh new ways.


So you're probably waiting for a list of 'don't wear this' and 'avoid this.' Well, the reason why conversations on modesty often quickly race toward the issue of clothing is because, well, clothing says a lot about a person. In other words, we can't see what is in a woman's heart, but we can see what is on her outside.

There are helpful guides, such as TFC's modesty handout and Sovereign Grace Ministries' modesty checklist. There are also good books, sermons, and lectures on the subject.

God grant us the grace and the sensitivity to detect any immodesty in our hearts, in our appearance, and in our manner. If there are no places left in our society where modesty is valued or practiced, let the church stand firm. We must "draw others to imitate [us] in good," as Richard Baxter says in his Christian Directory (Soli Deo Gloria Publications, pg. 393).

We have a responsibility toward the world--we must not ease their consciences' regarding their wickedness.

We ought to love our fellow brothers and sisters in the Lord--not tempting our sisters to "envy and to imitate" and our brothers to "lust and wantonness." (Ibid.)

Most of all, we are to obey our heavenly Father, joyfully. The 'want to,' not the 'have to.' The "Be holy, for I am holy" (1 Peter 1:16) kind of living.

There is the danger of outwardly complying, yet inwardly rebelling. There's that thinking, "I can't believe she's wearing that! I would never wear that!!!" Secretly, in your heart, you wish your mom would let you wear that fashion or you wish you were thinner so you could 'pull it off' or you desire the envy of women and the attention of men. God is not mocked; He is not fooled by outward appearances.

There is no limit to the grace God showers upon His children. We can strive for a truly modest spirit because our Father gives us the ability to do what He commands us to do. Has the Lord given you victory in this area? What means of grace did God provide you with to grow in modesty (people, resources, etc.)?

Teachers and Learners

I'm back from a week of vacation with Tim. It was wonderful. A whole week of vacation, just the two of us. The first time we've ever done that. It was sweet. Very, very restful and a good time of reconnection. Though I didn't come back with a tan I did come back with a smile.

But because there is laundry to do, a menu to plan, groceries to buy and a house to clean (again!) this may be brief. Right about now I'm thinking someone should start a business called, "Vacation Magician". I'd be tempted to pay someone almost anything for me to be able to come home to a full refrigerator, a hot meal and someone to hand over all the unpleasant duties of re-entry into the real world. But, alas, this is life in my real world, and when I finally put my "hand to the plow", it does feel good. This is where I belong. This is my calling and it is GOOD.

If I could jump ahead in this series from Titus 2, I'd have a lot of inspiring words for young women to love their husbands! A romantic get-a-way away will do that! But I am going to try to stay on course with a somewhat systematic approach to this. So today I'll just give you a glimpse of what's ahead.

Paul tells us there are teachers and there are learners. So we will be spending several weeks looking at the teachers: both their character qualities and the content of their teaching. Then we'll look at the learners, who they are and what is to be the attitude of a humble learner.

But before we do, today can I ask you all, no matter what your age or stage of life, to be open to reading and being shaped by Titus 2? You may not be married. You may be a divorcee. You may be childless. You may be a teenager. Believe it or not, there is something here for you. I can guarantee it because it is God's Word and God's word is relevant for us all. For example, if you are single and you read about loving your husband you will have a choice. You can choose to skip the reading because it doesn't seem to apply to you, or you can read it and learn what loving a husband looks like. You can do this because you can prepare yourself for the day you might have a husband, and you can learn what loving a husband means so that you can encourage your married sisters.

I hope to bring application to all women, but please hang in there with me if you do not find an immediate application. We are all teachers and learners, no matter what is our age and stage of life and spiritual growth. We all have women we can learn from and there will always be women, teens and young girls younger than us who we can teach. Even if we've made a lot of mistakes through sinful choices. God is all about redeeming our lives in spite of all our baggage. He wants to turn our ashes into fire that burns brightly for His Kingdom. We are all spiritual Cinderella's: broken, lonely, lost. In Christ we are restored, given a family, a kingdom and a purpose. We all have much we can teach and we all have more we can learn.

How has this been your experience?

I'd love to hear who your teachers have been and who is learning from you?

Gotta go. The "To Do List" is calling.

On the Lighter Side

Do you ever find yourself in Shop-Rite singing under your breath to a song you haven't heard in twenty years and then think to yourself how on earth do I remember these words?

Do you ever wonder how your kids can effortlessly memorize hundreds of songs, but can't study their history or English grammar?

Do you find yourself wishing you had a Scripture verse memorized for every silly song you knew?

Well, have I got just the thing for you! The folks at Forever Grateful Music have produced a series of albums called Hide the Word. Each album has between 18-25 Scripture verses set to music. They are really good!

And I think you'll like them. Do you enjoy the music we sing on Sunday mornings? Then you'll enjoy these. Pastor Mark Altrogge is the mastermind behind the Hide the Word albums, the same Mark Altrogge who is responsible for many of the worship songs that we enjoy at TFC. Pastor Altrogge ministers at one of our sister churches, Sovereign Grace Church of Indiana, PA, and many of his songs have been featured on Sovereign Grace Music albums.

Here's what Pastor Altrogge has to say:

"I began putting Scripture to music many years ago and found that I was able to memorize the Scriptures much more quickly. Then when I had children, I did the same for them and found that they were able to learn the verses fairly easily. That's what gave me the idea for Hide the Word."

Hide the Word combines the power of music with the power of repetition to make memorizing God's Word easy. Each Scripture, including its reference, is made into a song. Each Scripture is repeated at least 3 times per song. As you play the music while driving, doing dishes, or any other time throughout your day, you will find yourself quickly picking up the verses and recalling them from memory.

 This is an investment worth making!