Following well

Recently, a TFC sister came to visit me.  At one point our conversation turned to leadership and followership in the context of marriage.  (Now there's a hot-button issue.  Maybe one of these days we can debunk that for you.)  I asked her if she had ever checked with her husband to see how well he thought she was following his lead.  She said she hadn't, or at least not lately.  I admitted to her that I didn't often ask Tim either, but that I had been challenged by Betsy Ricucci's talk at the marriage retreat to make a point of it.

One of the points in her talk about mercy in marriage was about embracing our role as a helper, and one of the ways we can help our husbands is by making his leadership successful.  Betsy asked:

"Which are we quicker to do:  criticize or commend our husbands for their efforts to lead us?  Where can we begin to thank our husbands for their endeavors to lead us?  What unique help can I bring to my husband?  How can I participate in making my husband's leadership successful and effective?"

By effectively following, I can help my husband to be a better leader.  One way to begin is by asking how well he thinks I follow.  There have been times that I've thought poorly of Tim's leadership, and suddenly realized that he had been leading and I had been refusing to follow.  Whether it's out of busyness, uncertainty about his decision, or whatever, how wrong of me! I have discovered that Tim was well aware of how poorly I was following, and that it was really frustrating his leadership.

I'm thankful to have a husband who will answer the question "how am I doing in my following?"  If you've never had this conversation with your husband, there is a good chance that he's not prepared for the question.  What happens if he shrugs it off by saying that you're doing fine before taking time to process the question?

While we can't control our husband's response, we certainly can control ours. Keep following his lead as best you can, and ask the question again sometime in the near future. Maybe it needs a bit of a lead in:

"Honey, I really want to make sure that I'm doing the best I can in following your lead in our household. So, how am I doing?"

"I know I asked you this not too long ago, but I want to make sure that I'm still following well. What do you think?"

It might take a few tries. It might take a lot of tries. Or, you might just be surprised when your husband shows his leadership in your marriage and reveals how you may be ignoring, avoiding, rebuffing, or embracing his leadership. 

How are you helping make your husband's leadership successful? If you're not married, how are you helping make your pastor's/father's/boyfriend's/boss's leadership successful?  Leave a comment to tell us about it.

Transparency

I found myself being what I thought I hated on Sunday.

I don't cry in front of people. I don't like to show my weaknesses. I certainly don't rely on others to help me through a tough time.

These are all things that I, Robin Lawrence, DO NOT DO!

Thank God...thanks to Him...I did all of these things on Sunday with some amazing ladies in my care group. The things I had always chalked up to being what the "weak" Christians did when they needed some attention, I now realize take much courage and humility to do.

It is amazing how many layers of pride God has to peel off of us. The worst thing about pride is the disdain for others it causes. God opposes the proud! Ponder that. He is utterly against a proud heart. It is the humble, meek, transparent heart that He gathers to Himself.

Pastor Shorey said something a while back that made a lasting impression on me. He said, "There is nothing that I could possibly confess to others that God doesn't already know and hasn't already forgiven me for."

Instead of accepting forgiveness and restoration, the temptation is there to keep things hidden from the view of outsiders. My flesh can conjure up a thousand reasons to remain silent. Just imagine if David, Paul, Augustine, Luther, Bunyan, Spurgeon, Lloyd-Jones, Eliot, Piper, and countless more had felt it beneath them to reveal their struggles with sin to the world. This sinner, for one, would have a much harder journey without the encouragement and instruction from this great host.

My Father knows all. The great encouragement is that God uses the testimonies of humble sinners to bring about radical reformation in the hearts of other believers. Sharing struggles and victories is a way that we can serve one another.

Sanctification. It really is a beautiful word. I am so thankful for the emphasis that TFC places on the sanctifying process. It can burn sometimes! But you emerge purer and holier, by God's grace.

"Don't wait until you get to heaven to know God...start now!" - Paul Washer

Crushed Grapes

The other night Tim and I were babysitting Alexandra (Lexi) and Mackenzie (Kezzie as Lexi says) while their parents enjoyed a couple of hours out.  What fun we had.  As bedtime  approached we began the routine - snack, change into jammies, brush hair,teeth, wash faces, read one book for each girl and pray.  It was the first stage of this little ritual that brought back so many wonderful memories of kids and their funny little ways.  I often wish I could get inside their heads and find out what they are thinking?  

Kate instructed me Lexi's snack was to be grapes.  So, I gave her grapes.  After she was safely seated in her booster seat, I turned to attend to Mackenzie's need of a bottle.  When I turned back to Lexi there were no grapes on the table.  When I looked closer, instead of eating the grapes Lexi had put them under the table cloth and was smashing them and watching the table cloth turn color.  

That's my blog.  Nothing deep.  No application to our lives except for the application of a smile.  And, if you have children and/or grandchildren, a reminder to take the time to enjoy their funny little antics.  You won't regret it.  

Do you have a funny story about your children/grandchildren?

Spiritual Lamaze

If you haven't given birth I'm sure you've heard birthing stories, or watched birthing scenes on t.v. and the movies.  As a woman, don't you just feel the intensity, the emotion, and the pain? Even now can't you visualize the focus on the face of the woman in labor as she desperately tries to endure the pain while mustering up the strength to birth her baby?  

Today Tim taught us about "The God Who Will Not Quit" (download to receive a blessing for your soul).  We learned that the believers in Philippi were experiencing sin from within their hearts, sins committed against them from within the church and sins against them through persecution from outside the church.  Tim spoke of the Philippians as showing signs of wear and tear.  But Paul was commissioned by God to encourage them in their faith.  What better way to encourage the tired and weary in faith than to turn their gaze upward to the One who gave them their faith?  This God doesn't quit.  Phil. 1:6.   We learned of the reality of the work of God in us, and the comprehensiveness of the work.  God never runs out of resources.  He has all the love, all the grace and power to complete His work.  Though it may seem like our faith is weakening and we are tempted to quit,  God doesn't quit.  God finishes the work.  We must not look at our efforts, our circumstances, or our feelings.  We are not keeping ourselves.  It is our God.

So what does this have to do with spiritual lamaze?  Many of you may not even know about lamaze childbirth classes.  In my day, every pregnant woman went to these classes to prepare for a natural childbirth.  One of the main principles of this approach to childbirth is to have a focal point.  When the laboring woman fixing her eyes on that focal point she is less focused on the labor pains.  

I've had six labors and deliveries and I can vouch for the effectiveness of this.  Though some may say I must not have had much pain because I actually enjoyed labor and delivery I can tell you now I HAD PAIN.  So, what did I focus on?  I focused on my husband's eyes.  He looked me squarely in the face and I looked squarely back at him.  He didn't need to do anything else.  I just needed to stare into his eyes.  He was my focal point.  I needed to focus on the one who loved me and had pledged his life to me.  

When you are experiencing the pains of life what is your focal point?  When you are aware of the sin in your own life (anger towards a husband or children, a complaining spirit at work or with school, impatience, etc.), where do you turn?   When you are experiencing relational stresses and strains (disappointment or disagreement with people in the church), who do you look to?  When you are receiving scorn and ridicule from unbelievers (an unsaved spouse, parents, classmates, coworkers) who is your source of help and strength?  

Because God provided the payment to redeem us - the price of His Son's blood - God will not waste that investment.  He is going to keep us to the very end - the day of Christ - when His work in us will be completed and God will say "It is very, very, very good".  We are very precious to Him and He will not let us go.  He will not quit on us.  Let's keep our eyes riveted on Him at all times.

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus

Look full in His wonderful face.

And the things of earth will grow strangely dim

In the light of His glory and grace."  Helen Lemmel

Don't Waste Your Womanhood!

Those of you who read the Desiring God blog will have already seen this posted, but I cannot resist sharing this. Pastor John Piper spoke on "the ultimate meaning of true womanhood" at a woman's conference last fall. It is online in two parts. Can I commend this to you in the strongest way possible? Forget about the pathetic chipped rhinestones that you get from those who spout self-help and self-esteem. Pastor John has carefully selected diamonds for us from God's word (in two convenient sermons at only 24 minutes each! What a deal!) It is so good. You really don't want to miss this.

Part one: The Most Influential People in the World (read / listen)

"Wimpy theology makes wimpy women. I don't like wimpy women. I didn't marry one. With Noel, I'm trying to raise Talitha, who turns 13 on Saturday, not to be one. The opposite of a wimpy woman is not a brash, pushy, loud, controlling, sassy, uppity, arrogant Amazon."

Part two: Don't Waste Your Womanhood (read / listen)

"So whether you are married or single, do not settle for wimpy theology. It's beneath you. God is too great. Christ is too glorious. Womanhood is too strategic. Don't waste it. Your womanhood, your true womanhood was made for the glory of Christ."

Knowing the Almighty

I had an interesting conversation with a coworker last week. I was explaining why my relationship with God is different than what other "religions" offer.

His reaction was quick. "Woah...woah. A relationship requires two parties--God doesn't contribute to your 'relationship.' He doesn't talk to you, does He?"

Long after our conversation, I found myself pondering my "relationship" with God. My thoughts went to a dear passage of Scripture.

"And though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, obtaining as the outcome of your faith the salvation of your souls." 1 Peter 1:8-9

I have never seen Christ or heard His voice, but I love Him. I cannot offer proof of my position as a daughter of the King or defend my right to call the Creator of all things 'Dad.' I know what I believe because God has given my this very belief--freely and abundantly.

I have His Word, through which I KNOW HIM. How can I explain to a lost person that Jesus Christ is more real to me than they are, though I can see and touch and hear them. It is the way God intended it. He opens the eyes, He inclines the heart, He raises the dead. It is not so much 'when you meet God,' but 'when God meets you.' And when He does, the first truth that resonates in your heart is this: God is real!

What perspective a Christian has. No matter what happens in this momentary life..."I know The Judger of souls...and He delights in me...and always will...forever...and ever..."

Some introductions

Doing this blog was not my idea neither is it a solo project.  For several months Brooke has been applying gentle encouragement (pressure) on me to use this tool for serving the women in TFC.  I resisted for quite some time.  But after much prayer, and encouragement from my husband and others, I consented.  I consented on one condition though, that it not be my blog alone but rather a joint effort with others.

  

Here I want to pause and mention three people who could have been a part of this blog-team. 

Pat Bowditch, Lisa Cassarino and Debbie Stengele all have much to share from their life experience, their walk with God and their care of women.  But due to the season of life in which they find themselves, along with their many and varied ministry responsibilities they did not believe they could make a commitment to this.  I understand completely.  I appreciate their careful evaluation of their priorities and their ability to say, "not now".   Anytime you want to jump on board ladies - there's room for you.

There are three women who have joined me and I want to introduce them to you now.

Two of the three are sisters, Jenny and Robin Lawrence.  It boggles my mind to think that when I first came to Toms River these women weren't even born!!!  But here they are, chosen by God for this moment for life and ministry within Trinity Fellowship Church.  

Jenny and Robin were given Christian parents and were taught well in the things of God.  They were raised and still live in Marlboro.   While away at college they began reading and listening to teaching by John Piper.  From that they were introduced to CJ Mahaney and Sovereign Grace Ministries.  From that they went online to see if there were any SG churches in NJ.  And so they began their fellowship with us at TFC.  

Jenny and Robin both love reformed theology and for them it is much more than head knowledge.  The truths of God's sovereignty over all of life, the work of Christ on the cross, and God's amazing grace deeply affect their hearts and lives.  Thank you both for joining me in this project.  I am excited to learn from you!!  

Most of you know Brooke already.  Besides being the perfect wife for my son Tim, and the perfect mother for my grandson Tim, she is a loving daughter to me, a caring sister in the church, and teams with Tim as a caregroup leader.  She has already shared her heart with us in a recent post.  Keep it coming, Brooke.  You have MUCH to offer.

Seeing God raise up godly young women in TFC (Jenny, Robin, Brooke and many like them) gives me great hope for the future of our church.  I am excited that through this blog you all can glean from these gals as we all seek to learn how to glorify God as women in all the seasons and spheres of life.

wishin’ and hopin’

Last night over dinner my husband asked me if I was doing okay. He said I had been seeming tired and angry. After some prodding—I’m not the best at communication (maybe fodder for another post)—I revealed that ever since the holidays, I have been feeling isolated and alone. The holidays saw us in Denver with family for 10 days at the beginning of December, Tim off of work for a couple of days a week for a couple of weeks, and lots of time spent interacting with friends and family. Life then returned to normal, which at this season in my life means full days at home alone with my little guy with (hopefully) one outing for errands per day. I shared my woes of living at least 20 minutes away from someone to hang out with.

“It would be so much easier if I was just around the corner,” I moaned.

I had also recently been in a car accident which required us to spend money to replace the car—and expense we weren’t counting on. And it was my fault. “If only” is a phrase that has escaped my lips several times over the past few weeks.

“You have to stop wishing life was different than it is,” he said.

Hm.

As I lay in bed last night I recalled my husband’s sermon from several months ago on Hebrews 11. In his sermon he talked about how when we forget or ignore certain characteristics of God, we essentially destroy God. When we take certain things away from our perception of God, He is no longer God.

Take me, for instance. In all this wishing life was different, I’m forgetting that God is sovereign. That car accident wasn’t a mistake of God’s will. He wasn’t up there in heaven saying “oops.” And our current living situation is exactly what He has created our current living situation to be.

I’m also forgetting that God is good. He always, always has my best interests at heart. A friend from college and I used to exchange these words with one another:

“God is good…”
“All the time!”
“And all the time…”
“God is good!”

When did I forget that this was the case? I have no grand notions that this bed time realization will change my outlook like the flip of a switch. After all, whenever I want to do right (in this case, have a correct view of God), “evil lies close at hand” (Romans 7:21). But now that I’m aware of what’s really going on in my heart, it’s a lot easier to apply the gospel and resist the devil.

What’s going on in your life that is diminishing your view of God? What does the gospel have to say about it?

New Clothes and Mercy in Marriage

Last week was a marriage conference.  The theme was "Marriage and the Mercy of God".   It was a great conference with excellent teaching.  Before going to the retreat I thought I would take advantage of post-Christmas clearance sales and buy three new tops.  I was very happy to have three new tops.  

The day after returning from the retreat was my scheduled "personal retreat".  There was no time to play catch up after being away so things were just left, including the laundry.  But when I came home from my time with the Lord my husband was graciously folding clean laundry.  Part of his gift in providing this retreat time was carrying the household responsibilities while I was away.

Sounds like the makings for a happy reunion right?  Well, it was actually a test for me, and I've asked Tim if I could blog about this test.  He humbly agreed to it.

Tim, who used to do all the laundry when there were babies in the house (and he did it quite well) is a little out of practice.  Instead of separating my tops from the rest of the wash, they were included with everything else and instead of using cold water he used HOT.   

I had a choice to extend mercy.  I know he was trying to be kind.  I know he had my good in mind.  I know he didn't strategize to make me unhappy.  But I really, really, wanted to give in to disappointment and yes, anger.  But God gave me (and is still giving me) grace to remember "mercy triumphs over judgment" James 2:13.   I could choose to make this about Tim's carelessness or I could make this about Tim's care.  I could make this all about Tim's mistake, forgetting all the times I've messed up (burned holes in ironing his good shirt, splattered bleach on his jeans etc.) or I could choose to love.  I'm choosing mercy because God, being rich in mercy, because of the great alove with which he loved us, even when I was dead in my trespasses, made me alive together with Christ - by grace I have been saved..." Eph. 2:4,5  and because like Aaron Osborn said at the conference, "it's just better".  It really is.

And now I have two nice tops to give to one of my young sisters in the church.  

solitude and fellowship

I love solitude.  I really do.  But it is hard to come by while being a wife, mother of 6, grandmother and a member of the Body of Christ.  But my dear husband makes a way for me to get moments/days of solitude for the purpose of clearing my head, drawing near to Christ, resting and evaluating life and ministry.  

I just came home from such a time (thank you Connie and Mike).  It was wonderful to sit and read, pray, rest, plan, sit, read, pray, rest.  But I know as much as I love solitude, I was not made to be alone.  I need and long for the company of family, and the fellowship of other believers.  

I was affected by Steve's message yesterday from Philippians 1:3-8.   "...I hold you in my heart, for you are all partakers with me of grace...For God is my witness, how I yearn for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus."   I feel that yearning; and with that yearning  there is prayer with joy for your partnership in the gospel.   I thank God for you.  I thank God that I am not alone to live the Christian life.  I thank God that I have sisters in Christ who pray for me, love, encourage, comfort, exhort and direct me to the cross.  May I, by God's grace, be the same for you.