wishin’ and hopin’

Last night over dinner my husband asked me if I was doing okay. He said I had been seeming tired and angry. After some prodding—I’m not the best at communication (maybe fodder for another post)—I revealed that ever since the holidays, I have been feeling isolated and alone. The holidays saw us in Denver with family for 10 days at the beginning of December, Tim off of work for a couple of days a week for a couple of weeks, and lots of time spent interacting with friends and family. Life then returned to normal, which at this season in my life means full days at home alone with my little guy with (hopefully) one outing for errands per day. I shared my woes of living at least 20 minutes away from someone to hang out with.

“It would be so much easier if I was just around the corner,” I moaned.

I had also recently been in a car accident which required us to spend money to replace the car—and expense we weren’t counting on. And it was my fault. “If only” is a phrase that has escaped my lips several times over the past few weeks.

“You have to stop wishing life was different than it is,” he said.

Hm.

As I lay in bed last night I recalled my husband’s sermon from several months ago on Hebrews 11. In his sermon he talked about how when we forget or ignore certain characteristics of God, we essentially destroy God. When we take certain things away from our perception of God, He is no longer God.

Take me, for instance. In all this wishing life was different, I’m forgetting that God is sovereign. That car accident wasn’t a mistake of God’s will. He wasn’t up there in heaven saying “oops.” And our current living situation is exactly what He has created our current living situation to be.

I’m also forgetting that God is good. He always, always has my best interests at heart. A friend from college and I used to exchange these words with one another:

“God is good…”
“All the time!”
“And all the time…”
“God is good!”

When did I forget that this was the case? I have no grand notions that this bed time realization will change my outlook like the flip of a switch. After all, whenever I want to do right (in this case, have a correct view of God), “evil lies close at hand” (Romans 7:21). But now that I’m aware of what’s really going on in my heart, it’s a lot easier to apply the gospel and resist the devil.

What’s going on in your life that is diminishing your view of God? What does the gospel have to say about it?