You must understand that when I tap my foot in church, I usually feel like I'm living dangerously. I am really getting into the spirit of the thing. I'm celebrating. I went to a Christian college, where emotion during worship just was Not Done. One of my roommates got demerits once for singing too loudly and joyfully. We did not toe-tap, we did not clap, we did not sway, jump, dance, shout, or smile. So let me tell you, I feel a little liberal with my tapping.
School policy required that I wear a skirt. But do I wear one now? School policy required me to only go off campus in groups of three. School policy required me to be in bed by 11pm and out of bed by 7am. School policy required that I do/don't do legion of things. But I graduated. School policy means nothing to me any more.
School policy required me to be solemn and unemotional during worship, never ever forgetting that "you wouldn't behave that way in the White House, so you better not behave like that God's house!" And you know what, my flesh is perfectly happy with that. School policy sounds real good to the old flesh.
What I'm realizing is that this is a sin issue. The flesh does not want to make a fool of herself in front of others. I'll sing out loud and clap when I'm alone in my car, but as soon as there are people around, I just want to be rigid and unnoticed. I am so afraid of man that I would rather not worship my God as He demands and deserves. I wouldn't dance and shout in the White House, but the President is not my father, nor does he care for me. But you know what, I think that the President's daughters probably run through the halls of their home, laughing, singing, and shouting. If I am God's daughter--and I am--then how should I behave when coming before Him in adoration?
As Tim so clearly showed on Sunday, worship is a serious matter. I, for one, with all my "seriousness" about it, was not taking it seriously. God has commanded us to worship Him in specific ways. Standing coldly with my hands shoved in my pockets is not one of those ways. I was saying, "God, my pride is more important than Your commands. I'll worship You in my way. And aren't You proud of me for tapping my foot" How arrogant, how presumptuous! Thank God that He forgives those sins and is loving and kind enough to send His servants to rebuke us!
It's going to be hard. Mortification always is. But when God reveals His will, how can I but follow?
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
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