Temptations in trials (more lessons from labor)

We've all seen or heard stories of laboring women yelling at their husbands. Words like: "Get out of here! I never want to see your face again... I'll never forgive you for this... this is all your fault" make us laugh. Often when a husband tries to serve his laboring wife nothing he does or says is the right thing. We laugh when we hear these stories because we know (or hope) the wife doesn't really mean what she is saying.

During those moments the wife's verbal lashing is her way of taking the focus off her own pain by placing pain on another person.

No one likes pain. No one likes going through trials. When we do find ourselves in a trial, we are often tempted to become angry, impatient, jealous, and hyper-critical of others. Can you relate to this?

Think with me for a moment will you?

When people have tried to offer you encouragement, an understanding word, an offer for help or prayer, has your perception been skewed so rather than being thankful for the care that the person was extending (however imperfectly) you focus on a word, or a tone, or an "implied" meaning and turn that act of love into a reason to be angry with the person?

Or, have you ever been tempted to become angry, bitter, withdrawn because people didn't do, call, write, or pray enough?

What is going on in our hearts when this happens? We are becoming self-focused; full of self-pity and pride that insists what was spoken or given or offered was not good enough. We think we deserve better.

In our trial we have a desire to control the pain and suffering so in an effort to shift our focus off our pain we find fault in others. Rather than "looking unto Jesus" for our help, and rather than looking into our own hearts for what we need to learn in our trial, we place our attention on others to find some kind of sinful satisfaction that all isn't well in their world either (after all how could they be so thoughtless?).

There are times when people do fail to love and care. But it would be far better for us to extend grace to them and trust that they were not being intentionally hurtful. It would be far better for our soul and theirs if we would pray like Stephen, "forgive them for they know not what they do." So often people do not know how to care in the way we think they should, or they do not know what we want them to say. If they do not know, then even the sincerest attempts to be kind will most likely disappoint you.

Have you ever done or said something wrong to a person in trial? Have you ever missed an opportunity to extend love to a suffering sister? Did you do it intentionally? Probably not. How did the person respond? Did she draw near to you in love and grace, or did she distance herself from you and keep herself in a cocoon of self-pity and bitterness? If you've lived the Christian life for even a short while you've probably experienced both. How did you feel in either case?

Have you ever been the one sinfully judging the intentions of the "caring" person? Like the woman in labor yelling at her husband, have you been the sister inwardly rebelling against the imperfect gesture of love and care? Did you find your soul drying up from unconfessed resentment? Or did you cover it all with love and grace and find your soul expanding in the midst of your trial?

Where do we go with all of this? As always, we run to the cross. There we find forgiveness for the sin of self-pity, anger, and pride.

At the cross we find our perfect example to follow.

For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed (1 Peter 2:21-24).

If Christ was betrayed by a friend, and forsaken by the hundreds who had once loved him when the miracles were flowing, if he was beaten nigh unto death and then hung on a tree to die, all without a word of complaint, then we can call on Him to help us walk through our trials without lashing out at others.

Dear sisters, let us love and care for others in their trials as we would want them to love and care for us in our trials.

And may we forbear and forgive others who we think have failed us in our trials as we would want them to forbear and forgive us when we fail them in their trials.

As with anything we cannot do this on our own. Our sinful hearts will always lead us away from love and grace. But by His grace let us keep "drawing near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need" (Hebrews 4:16).