30 years ago

Thirty years ago today I became a mother for the first time (well, technically I became a mother 9 months earlier). How can someone as young as me have a thirty year old child??? Wasn't it just 5 years ago I was thirty?

I sit here remembering that day when at the Birthing Center Tim and I labored together. We had been trained for this. We knew the phases and stages of labor and knew how to breathe, relax, focus and push. All that was left for us was to hold our baby. That was long before ultrasounds could be used to tell the gender of the baby. The anticipation of finding out girl or boy was for us a big part of the fun of pregnancy. What a moment of joy it was when we heard, "It's a girl!!"

I wish I had been as prepared for parenting as I was for labor and delivery. In many ways we had to learn as we went along. I did not have older women to teach me but we proudly (albeit naively) brought our baby home before she was even 24 hours old. We were so happy, so thankful it didn't fully sink in to us how little we knew about how to care for this little life. It took both Tim and I to change the first few diapers; a rather comical scene it was. Thankfully, God brought us through and kept Alina alive!!

During Alina's first week the Lord gave us Psalm 139:1-24. The truths in this psalm about God have been the anchor for my mothering. It is in this psalm I read of God's handiwork in creating my children. Because all their days (and mine) are fashioned by God I realized it is not up to me to keep my children free from every germ, every danger, every trial. God is the One who orders their days. I am simply His instrument to accomplish His will in their lives.

In this Psalm I am also given precious promises for my own heart which strengthen me when parenting days are tiring, nights are sleepless or the future seems uncertain. God not only knows, God not only orders our days and nights, but God is actively thinking of us. His thoughts of me are vast, and numberless and very, very personal.

When I was feeling alone, far away from the help of family, and without older women in my life to come alongside me, it was a great comfort to know that God was always with me. And, for those many, many moments when I was experiencing the joy of motherhood (which were by far more than the difficulties) it was good to know that my kind God ordained them for me as well.

Thirty years ago I began the great adventure of parenting. Never is one day the same as another. No child is like another. But my God is the same, His promises are still true, and by His Grace and Mercy my children have survived my many failures and mistakes. Isn't He Good?