Three Words

I have observed two opposite approaches to submission.  

One:  do whatever the husband says, no questions asked.  Most likely the wives that fall into this approach wouldn't go so far as to actually commit sin for their husband (in Acts 5:1ff).  But anything other than sin that the husband asks (or demands, commands, bullies) is hers to do.

Two:  submission is only theoretical.  The wife would agree that submission is taught in scripture but she rationalizes her responses (demands, tantrums, pouts) as being acceptable in her situation.

It seems to me the three words used by Mr. Hurley in his article in yesterday's blog would help us avoid these extremes (and anything in between that isn't guided by the biblical teaching of complementarianism).  

Discussion, prayer, consultation.  I could spend a day blogging on each word, but because I'm leaving town soon I'll have to just give some quick comments to get your thoughts going.  

Discussion.  This means communication.  Communication that is guided by Scripture.  Loving, without anger, open to listening to the other's viewpoint, not using exaggeration or generalization, humble enough to admit when the other's position is valid and worth following, and clear enough to communicate fully your thoughts.

Prayer.  This means before, during and after the "discussion."  Prayer for the Lord to give you a humble, gentle, loving spirit and the clarity to speak well all of your thoughts.  Prayer for the husband's leadership, and his "submission" to God and Scripture.  Prayer for the Lord to give you a submissive spirit (it doesn't come naturally!!).  Prayer that the Lord will use this as an opportunity for both you and your husband to grow in godliness.  Prayer for the results to be successful (regardless of who "wins").   Prayer for a humble, gentle, loving spirit to handle the results in a godly way.  

Consultation.  This is one that I think is often overlooked.  This is when couples find themselves at a stalemate and cannot move ahead.  They need to get outside help.  The book of Proverbs tells us there is wisdom in counsel.  Many times couples are so emotionally involved in the decision-making that they cannot "see the forest for the trees."  This is where a care-group leader's or a pastor's insight needs to be sought.  This is NOT a time for a wife to be making phone calls or emails trying to "build her case" until she gets the support she wants. NEITHER is it a time for the husband to manipulate his wife to "not make him look bad" in front of the counselor.  

Most day to day interactions between husband and wife do not need consultation from another party.  But, if discussion and prayer are not a part of any decision there is the very real danger that sin will occur.  The husband may "cower" from his wife's rants, or the wife may "shrink" away with what she believes to be submission.  The husband may use "power" to demand his way, or the wife lose control of her emotions in an angry outburst or flood of tears.

Though the world thinks complementarianism is archaic, it is God's way, and God's ways always work.  There is peace, joy and order in a marriage that functions with godly leadership and loving submission.  

May God's grace abound to you.