We take away a few tips on how to let men be men as designed by God.
First up: "At the heart of mature masculinity is a sense of benevolent responsibility to lead..."
When a Christian man benevolently (i.e. for the good of the woman) takes up the responsibility to lead, regardless of our perception of the quality of his leading (i.e. saying "well I wouldn't do it that way"), we have the feminine responsibility to follow.
- When was the last time you asked your husband "how am I doing in my following?"
- Do you allow him to initiate prayer at meal times, gather the family for devotions, set down the moral standards for your children, decide on financial priorities, etc.?
- How do you respond if your husband has appropriately sought your input for an upcoming decision and has chosen a path different from the one you would have chosen?
- Do you maintain a femininity that allows your husband to "[remain] alert to [your] deeper personal needs [as a] woman and [mingle] strength and tenderness to make [your] joy complete"?
- Do you allow and encourage (not command) your husband to take care of discipline issues when he is home?
- Do you together seek "to cultivate and communicate a healthy pattern of complementarity" in who drives the car, who opens the door, who walks on the street side, etc.?
Second: "At the heart of mature masculinity is a sense of benevolent responsibility to... provide for..."
Hear this: Piper is sure and careful to clarify that he does not mean women should not work outside the home. There are times when that is necessary. What he is saying is that "...when there is no bread on the table it is the man who should feel the main pressure to do something to get it there." So my question here would be:
Are you letting your desire to work outside the home supersede your husband's natural inclination and responsibility to provide for your family?
Third: "At the heart of mature masculinity is a sense of benevolent responsibility to... protect..."
In the world today we often see women scorning the protection of men because they feel it brands them as weak and incapable. However, as Piper points out, "It belongs to masculinity to accept danger to protect women." And not because in dangerous situations man's first thought is that the woman at his side is weak; rather, because he is the man and she is the woman. This does not mean the woman is not able to join in the fight, or that she will not be the one to deliver the decisive blow. But it does mean that the man accepts the primary responsibility to protect the woman when confronted with danger.
Do you allow your husband to protect you and fight for you when you are threatened?
In closing, it needs to be said that we do understand that there are some women reading this blog whose husbands are not Christians, or who are single moms. How can you encourage a proper view of mature masculinity in such situations? Let me remind you of one passage from the book:
[A man's] sense of responsibility will find expression in the ways he... gives moral and spiritual leadership for his family, and takes the initiative to provide them with the bread of life, and protect them from the greatest enemies of all, Satan and sin.
...So is a woman masculine if she is a single parent and provides these things for her children? Are these only for men to do?... A woman is not unduly masculine in performing these things for her children if she has the sense that this would be properly done by her husband if she had one, and if she performs them with a uniquely feminine demeanor.
....If the husband is there but neglects his responsibility and does not provide leadership for the children, then the mature, feminine mother will make every effort to do so, yet in a way that says to the husband, "I do not defy you, I love you and long with all my heart that you were with me in this spiritual and moral commitment, leading me and the family to God."
May the knowledge of true masculinity gained from this book help us all as we allow and encourage the men in our life to be men.
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