At my job I see hundreds and hundreds of people every day. If you were looking for someone with a keen eye to pick out what's modest and what's not on women aged 4-70, I'm your girl. One of the strangest phenomenons that I've noticed is when you see what looks like a seventeen-year old standing with her back to you--and then she turns around and you realize that she's forty-three. Or nine. It's sad. But not my point. That was for free.
If you want someone to identify and label what's modest and what's not on other people, I'm your girl.
What I'm not so good at is identifying what's modest or immodest for me.
If you've ever read a novel written in the first person, then it's likely that you, as the spectator, know a lot more about the character than the character knows about herself. She has inadvertently revealed herself to you, and she doesn't even know it.
We can be just like that in our lives, totally blind to what is totally obvious to everyone else. That could mean you have a blind spot in your literal mirror. Or it could be something deeper in your character.
I'm blessed to have a sister who is concerned about my modesty, both outward and inward. She is faithful to prevent outward immodesty and to correct inward immodesty. I need it, because I can have huge blind spots.
Find a friend, sister, mother, daughter, cousin, in-law, caregroup member--someone who loves Jesus Christ more than she loves you, and ask her to point out your blind spots. It could hurt. It usually happens that what gets pointed out is something I never expected, or something that was just "me" and my personality, and it stings! But I'm better for it. Or maybe she won't think of anything. Don't relax. This is part of a lifetime of wartime: sanctification.
This isn't a call for us to nitpick and judge each other. It's a call for each of us to take responsibility for ourselves by asking someone else to speak into our lives. This is one-anothering. This is the pursuit of becoming conformed to the image of Christ to the glory and praise of God.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
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6 comments:
Thanks again Jenn.
I'd like to know how Robin approaches you with her "observation" of inward or outward immodesty. And I'm curious to know if you've had this kind of conversation with others and if so how did you do it and how did it go?
Anyone else?
Obviously the ideal is for others to approach us and ask for this kind of input, but what if they haven't asked for it?
First, she waits until we're alone. If it's clothing, she's much more blunt about it, with an honest, "Don't wear that," or "put a sweater over that shirt." Sometimes it really annoys me because I don't see the problem with what I'm wearing! But I've learned (am learning) to trust her judgment. She's usually (always) right. These days I don't even wait for her to come to me--I go to her and ask.
When it comes to my inward modesty, she is much more gentle and humble. She usually gives me the benefit of the doubt that I wasn't intending to behave in such a way, but this is how it's coming across. She is trying to teach me that communication is mostly about how the other person receives it, not how I intended it, and that communication is nonverbal too!
And it should be said that the negatives should be tempered with encouragement!! This isn't an attack, but love!
I had this type of conversation with someone else once. We talked very privately and for not very long, began and ended on positives, and went away better friends. That was evidence of God's grace in both of our lives.
Thanks Jenn I like your approach with regards to our attitude toward modesty as possible "blind spots." This seems to be a real issue in the church at least as I've seen over the course of my life. I mean I watched styles change from knee length, mini length, micro mini, hotpants, to middie length, eve to granny length and back again. I'm 57 but still that's a lot of changes just in lengths!
Wow. Also, not just in what we wear, but why do we wear it and what is the attitude in our heart? Who are we seeking to please anywhay? Is it for ourselves, our pears, the easily stumbling eyes of the fellows around us, (be they married,single, or 9, yes I said 9!) We can still stumble the very young and influence their attitudes and their thinking.
What we wear and the attitude we wear is sensed by all whether we want to believe that or not.
The same thing is true with any blindspots. If we could see them in ourselves then they wouldn't be blindspots now would they? The ONLY way we can be alerted to "blindspots" is indeed to have another godly person help point them out to us. I like what you suggested too. If you aren't fortunate enough to have a godly sister or mom, God has provided enough godly sisters within the Church to minister to us. Also, like you entreated us not go "nit picking" but rather to minister to one another. Amen. I hope we all will be willing to have someone we love and trust in the Lord to point out our "blindspots" whatever they may be.
amen Jenn. it's all about that last paragraph--becoming more and more like Christ.
Hey Jen,
It's me. Remember Sunday, the D.A. Carson book we were looking for with the wrong title..can't remember the word right now...
Anyway, I have to tell you. I've been burdened lately, regarding the outward immodesty of a particular co-worker. I knew I needed to love her enough to speak to her but quite frankly, I was letting fear keep my mouth shut.
In spite of that the LORD, in His faithfulful and extreme patience was working with me. In other words, He was not letting me off the hook!
The day before I read your blog I had prayerfully decided that I was going to write something for another venue (which I need to do anyway) and send it to all the woman where I work, to encourage US to think about our potential/probable "blind spots".
(Luv that description, by the way)
The very next day, there is your blog with the cruxt of what I wanted to share.
I was so excited!
Sooooooo, I copied and pasted it into an email and sent it along with a few words from me as to "why"?
The result. A little while after I had to leave my office building for a errand and one of my co-workers, who is also a friend, saw me, made a beeline straight for me to give a hug, share her comments and then, (here's the blessing part for both of us) she asked me,
"So, do you think I ever dress immodestly?"
I pasued, took a deep breath and said "Yes!
Now you need to know she isn't one that I felt burdened to talk to!
Anyway, all that to share with you a small way in which your blog yesterday met more than one need.
One other thing: one bit of what she shared was, she felt she could come to me, ask the question and know that she would her the truth in a way she could take it. Why? Because she trusted me to speak it with a balanced blend of grace AND truth.
So, even though it may be hard to say or hear, it helps alot when/if our "one-anothering" has been sincere and real...so that in those times when we need to, get up close, we can do it and know beyond a doubt that it isn't about being "nit-picky and judgmental.
When that (criticalness) is our approach, it is oh so easy to dismiss the POSSIBLE true and accurate words, simply because we don't care for the approach.
I feel closer to this friend than before...and I intend to ask her the same question the next time I see her...ABOUT ME!!
sdpaul
I love it! thanks so much for sharing Stephanie!
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